i was walking around the house yesterday feeling overwhelmed by my long to-do list and dismayed at all the mess that was preventing me from even getting started on the larger projects. i was looking at the house through purely negative eyes, seeing what only was wrong and berating myself for not doing a good enough job staying on top of it all. as i was not so silently tsking over everything, wondering where to even start i suddenly looked down at tess, who was riding on my hip as usual, holding her with one hand while i frantically tried to clean up with the other. what i saw was her little face beaming up at me. she had the happiest smile and she turned from me to the clutter all around and smiled excitedly kicking her feet. to her there was no mess, only wonder and new things to explore. i marveled at the road we take from there to here. how to we go from seeing the world with such wonder to one of dismay? of course i do not always see things this way, but yes, too often i do. i have been trying more and more, when i do begin to feel overwhelmed to stop and see things through different eyes. instead of focusing on the ten things wrong in the room, what needs to be cleaned, or fixed or painted, i try to really see what is good. the beautiful light coming in, the signs of my children's creativity or even just the children themselves. i want to see the world with wonder the way my little ones do... and not just the easy things to wonder at, but the real everyday world. it will always be important to me to create a warm comfortable place for my children and myself. i can't fully let go of those motherly urges to feather our nest but i can remember not to get in their way and let them see the world with that sense of wonder for as long as they can. i can look through their eyes to see what is right and stop pointing out what is wrong all the time. i don't want to be the one who sends them down that road too soon, or maybe ever.
my goals for this week are to continue sorting through the excess in the house. to simplify things so i can focus on what is important. i must remember not to get overwhelmed by this or to focus on it too much though. i have to accept this stage in my life and realize i can't drop everything else the way i like to when i get the urge to start a project. i do need to try harder to follow through on what i start and complete small tasks when i get the chance instead of putting them off. question i am thinking about this week... is it possible to ever become a morning person if you are a true night owl at heart?
*i hope this isn't all just random ramblings! i'm trying to use this space to think about this week ahead and share my thughts with others. maybe it will be helpful to someone else too.